Grace’s Chronicles #20: Why I left?

It's been weeks, turned into months, and a year. Writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere but in my journal feels so new and eerie. Words used to flow like the Sailor Song. Words used to appease me.

My last chronicle was on the 1st October 2024. It's been over a year. It was titled: Grace’s Chronicles #19: After 2 breast cysts, and a lot of stress, I'm back! I was definitely not back. I needed more time to reequilibrate myself.

Between last year and today

My heart and emotions were held hostage. My mind was in a spiral. Thoughts sprang from an unfertile mind, not bearing any fruit. Writing words was my escapism. It still is, but I held them in silence. In the realm of my journal.

I also left because my laptop broke on 25 December 2024. The day we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Looking back, that period could have been the start of my rebirth.

Where am I currently in life and in my mind? I feel lost, but on my way to green pastures. I left my compass somewhere along the way. But I'm roaming around things that keep me grounded. I hope that articulating my thoughts and feelings through my essays and chronicles reconnects me with my calling.

Nature

Mountains and waterfalls calm my nervous system.

Mother Nature really knows how to rock you like a newborn.

It reminds me there are things much bigger than me.

I see Nature as an extension of myself. Just like us, it's a creation of God, and it's perfect.

I love watching the palette of colours, the different greens.

It's a 360-degree scenic movie that we can't rewind or speed up.

It grounds you in the moment and holds you by the hand.

When I hear the birds chirping, the river streams and friends chatting, I rejoice in this natural playlist of ambient sounds. A free concert in the open air.

These past months, Nature has been a womb.

Solo Traveling

I've been solo travelling in Vietnam from North to South.

I returned changed with a different view on the world and myself.

I met different people and dealt with various situations on my own. It was a cocktail of growth.

There were layers of cultures, mindsets, and behaviours that I peeled daily.

I've taken loads of photos and videos, but they can never capture the emotions I felt.

My heart, which was at rest, was pumped by adrenaline.

The days are not as bright as in November, but thinking about the peace I felt back then is enough to make me smile.

The Ha Giang Loop remains the best 4 days of my life. I was on a motorbike, witnessing the scenic beauty of Vietnam.

Solo travelling is a special gift I gave to myself.

The shift

We all go through cyclones and droughts; we all need time to pause and recover. I’m in a better space. I'm so grateful for the life I get to live, for my friends and family. There's been a shift inward, and it's setting the blueprint for whatever is coming.

Grace's Chronicles is where I am the most vulnerable. But it's where I can be my true self. So, I will share more chronicles as I witness life. It's where I can sit and face my fears and joy.

I'm trying to post each Sunday, whether it is an art letter or a book reflection. I've been consistent, and I'm so happy that I'm not betraying myself by not following through. I do it for myself first. If someone else stumbles on my letters, I hope it can open a new reflection gate in their minds.

Thanks for reading!