Grace's Chronicles #11: The sun lost a few of its rays!
Have you seen them, cause I've been searching for my rays for a while now?
Grace's chronicles took a turn recently. With all my emotions boiling up and down my body, I feel the need to express what's holding me captive. Like a volcano in eruption, whatever lies inside wants to see the light of day. And It's hot and molten.
Life hasn't been that easy since the start of the year. Why complain when I still wake up daily, breathing while being healthy? Writing my feelings down feels like stitching those scars that would be left open.
My friend Seb calls me sunshine...I've realized that the sun turned into a grey cloud since last December. I don't recognize myself anymore. That ball of happiness, jumping around with positive vibes and a smile - is now all deflated and moody. That sparkle has vanished and is nowhere to be found.
I can only make sense of myself when I articulate my feelings with words. Once in a while, I catch a glimpse of the old me, hoping to meet her again.
I've dimmed my light. My confidence is fractured. I always shout on the rooftop to know your worth and add tax. Well, sometimes it's difficult to utter these words when - drowning. I've tried to change the narrative. But, when the waves hit you like it's enraged, your heart is in your throat. It gets overwhelming. You are held down by this terrific force until you can breathe again.
It hurts to see myself turning into a version that's slowly losing her identity.
The only shoulder I rely on is God. Tears by tears a well is formed. One that he can only mend.
It's just a chronicle showing my vulnerability because life is not always glitter and glossy. I have my good days. I have my bad days too. But, I'm trying to catch those rays without any excuses.
Diary entry: 17.02.2023